Adulterous Leech!
by The murmuring brook
Summary: A Series of drabbles in which we see what goes through Wolfram's mind when he screams of Yuuri's adulterous ways. Be prepared to find this odd and in some place even more bizzar than some of the random things in the anime. innuendo galore
1. Cheese!

Disclaimer- for all chappies: I don't own Kyou Kara Maou although I wish I did

**Disclaimer**- for all chappies: I don't own Kyou Kara Maou although I wish I did

**What Cheese does to a certain suspicious and very jealous Mazoku**

Tucked up safely in the Maou's bed, Wolfram slept in a suspiciously girly dress which he profusely claimed was in fact a very masculine nightshirt. Lying next to a gently snoring Greta and an upside down Yuuri (who he unconsciously held by his ankle) Wolfram was trapped un-noticed in a nightmare.

Tossing from side to side occasionally muttering 'wimp…wimp…where is my wimp' Wolfram battled against the evil emo bearbees that threatened to take his wedding dress away from a highly disconcerted Wolfram – who during all of this was searching his wimp of a fiancée.

Suddenly the gang leader of the emo bearbees ripped the wedding dress from Wolfram's hands, chuckling a low and dark 'Nogisu' it flew away ripping the dress into small pieces that turned to breadcrumbs as soon as they hit the ground. Following the trail down a twisting path through a cerise wood and into the castle that for some reason took on similar qualities to the bouncy castles on Earth- not that Wolfram had been on one or anything- Wolfram arrived in a room lined with various different pink fluffy things oddly enough it looked exactly like the room he had found earlier on but thankfully without the disturbing image of Gwendal and Gunter doing things no one wanted to see.

A soft giggling broke out behind a portrait of Shin-ou and the Great Sage during their 'intimate stage'. Considering his sword or fire friends Wolfram choose the later and blew apart the centuries old portrait. What he saw inside turned his blood cold.

It was Yuuri. Shirtless. But that was not what stopped Wolfram in his tracks. It was the thousands and thousands of women and men and other variations of that were touching Yuuri. His Yuuri. His Wimp. THEY WERE TOUCHING HIS WIMP!! With a cry of rage Wolfram drew his sword and hacked off limbs and other rather more painful parts as he hacked a bloody path to Yuuri, who, when he reached the wimp, did nothing but splutter as Wolfram throttled him screaming 'YOU CHEATER!! YOU ADULTEROUS LEECH!'

Suddenly Wolfram woke into the real world screaming 'YOU ADULTEROUS LEECH!!'

His screech having caused the birds to fly up into the trees crying 'BAD OMEN!', Dorcas to wake up in tears( no one wanted to ask why, he'd been getting a little too familiar with the horses of later), Yuuri to fall off the bed and Greta to turn over on her side snoring slightly louder.

'that's it' Yuuri stated less dramatically than he may have wished due to his trembling frame and that fact his voice broke three times in the last two words (no one had deemed it possible to do such a thing in under four syllables before and Yuuri is getting prepared for the Mazoku-dark-ale-drank-in-much-frequency-by-Dorcas-world-record-scroll for the feat).

'I'm never letting you have cheese after midnight again!'


	2. Anisan

Thank you all for the reviews

Thank you all for the reviews. As you were all so kind I've decided to update two more chappies and keep my other fic on hold in favor of this one. Well here's the first of my thank you prezzies:

**Anisan's Super-fluffy-Dream-Creator-With-Sparkles-Kun**

It was a normal day in Shin-Mazoku. The sun was shining (as it always did except when Yuuri went into Super Maou mode), the birds were crying about 'Bad Omens', the horses were fleeing from Dorcas, and Gwendal was a shivering lump which jumped at every sound whilst hiding from Anisan.

Sensing no victim within the immediate area, Anisan went in search of one. Peeking into the Maou's bedroom she caught sight of a just waking-up Wolfram. In his dizzy half-awake state he could not think of any excuse to escape, and was left at Anisan's merci as she summoned a whip out of nowhere and bound him to the bed.

'Er…Anisan' wolfram began in a discomfort quite out of his normal character; 'not to upset you or anything but… I don't fancy doing this kind of thing with er...you'. On reflection Wolfram thought that had it been Yuuri tied to the bed and him with the whip he might not be so adverse to the idea.

Anisan let out a delighted chuckle, her next words correcting his mistake as she brought out her latest invention. 'With my new Super-fluffy-Dream-Creator-With-Sparkles-Kun anything you dream will seem real- but with fluffy pink walls and sparkles in the background.'

'Gimme!'- Wolfram still had his latest picture of Yuuri in his mind.

'Right' Anisan said having placed the invention (which looked strangely like a Barbie bike helmet hot pink with sparkles but with a fluffy rim) on the blonde's head. 'Now concentrate on your Mazoku.'

So Wolfram concentrated until a bead of sweat pooled at his forehead. It was then that his vision clouded and a dream more real than any he had previously dreamt took over. He would have believed the dream was real if the wasn't purple with three large blue blobs that glowed with an eerie light which he supposed were meant to be the sparkles. Ah well Anisan always got something wrong.

As wolfram sat himself down upon the orange grass, leaning with his back against a dark blue velvet tree he waited for intimate images of Yuuri to come. He did not know how badly that could turn out.

Suddenly the 'meh, meh' (odd but in the anime) and giggling from a nearby neon pink hill caught his attention.

There at the very summit of the fluorescent mound lay Yuuri and a very bizarre looking T-Zou (he had combed back his wool into one line of fluff, oddly enough it was stripped with neon green and yellow stars). He would have left this spectacle be, if he hadn't seen Yuuri bend down and kiss the top of T- Zou's head which was marked by a violet star.

Screaming a roar of rage and grabbing a green dumpling from a nearby dumpling tree, he hurled it at the offending sheep, and delivered a fatal blow. As T – Zou fell in slow motion with a great 'Mehhh', Wolfram screamed as his wimp 'you adulterous leech' and attempted to throttle him. He was shortly brought into the real (Mazoku) world by the sound of a choking Anisan. Releasing her Wolfram leapt out of bed with an evil glint in his eye. He was suddenly peckish for some mutton.


	3. Seasickness

Here is my promised second chapter of thanks

Here is my promised second chapter of thanks.

**Wolfie, Jealousy and the Sea- Not the best mix**

Wolfram was ill. The cause was one he had been warned to avoid. The Sea. The horrible wet expanse that terrified him- not that he'd ever admit to that of course. Unfortunately for Wolfram his fiancée seemed to have a love of that same expanse and took _pleasure_ in his many, many voyages across it.

Wolfram may have listened to the advice his brothers' had given him and stayed at port had he been a different person and had his fiancée's voyage not been set at a course in which a certain woman resided. This _thing_ had a name, a most sickening and utterly vulgar name (in Wolfie's opinion) the horrific label that was… Fluurin-sama. A thorn in Wolfram's back (the number of 'friends' Yuuri had made on their various adventures to save Shin-Mazoku had left no more space for thorns in either his left or right sides and his legs seemed pretty full as well).

The woman that was Fluurin-sama _clearly _had something for **his** wimp, and although it had meant leaving behind his very reluctant horse (Dorcas was on the loose) he had prepared for the crossing.

The thing Wolfram had carefully overlooked whilst packing now made itself known. The seasickness. Not only did it make him empty his stomach every ten minuets but he was left weak and worse, delirious or at least that's what Yuuri said (Murata having told him what it meant). Wolfram believed that this was all a dreadful ploy to try to undermine his sanity (Yuuri questioned its existence) and an attempt to pull the wool over his eyes by T-Zou (who had yet to forgive wolfram for running at him wielding a cleaver and now peered around corridors before venturing out).

This _Delirium_ or empathized paranoia by the green-eyed monster meant that he tended to see things where they hadn't existed before. So when he caught sight of Yuuri talking to Fluurin-sama one day, instead of seeing that Fluurin had raised her hand to swat away a fly (the dangerous Bumble-Loop-Pop noticeable by its neon yellow, green, pink, orange and bizarrely beige colouring it was a worker bee- boring by day but at night it was a whole new bug and got itself some wings).

Wolfram unfortunately missed his fascinating creature which Gwendal has now proposed to, poor Wolfie saw an affectionate pat and then his mind exploded. Image upon image of Yuuri and Fluurin-sama in various positions rushed forth. Running forward with his trademark roar of 'Adulterous leech!' he ran right off the boat and into the watery depths below; apparently the deliria had affected his sight as well.

Wolfram was pulled out ten minuets later by a very wary Yuuri. His shivering made him almost illogical though a few decipherable words reached the others ears;

'Y-Y-Yuuri…W-W-Wimp…C-C-Cheat…D-D-Die …S-S-Slowly.' At this point a white faced Yuuri pushed his fiancée into Conrad's arms hissing 'Next time we travel on horses.'

Unbeknownst to him, horses across Shin-Mazoku let out a mighty nay at the prospect of escaping Dorcas.

An: If you can find the name of something in this chappie which is a bit of a pun (play on words) tell me- through review or message and I will update quicker. If not I'll write a chappie of my other fic first.

The Bumble-Loop-Pop History (for those who are interested)

The reason why the Bumble-Loop-Pop is so dangerous is due to its' sting. One sting will cause a person to become their polar opposite but only in the degrees of boring or crazy. The outbreak of a boring group of men (whom it only attacks) due to the Bumble-Loop-Pop epidemic of the beige ages causes wives across the country to rebel and turn upon the Bumble-Loop-Pops with an arsenal of Frying pans crying their famous mantra of 'We deserve to be happy!'. It was due to the battle that commenced that the number of Bumble-Loop-Pops declined; the few that are left now have a morbid fear of all Women, Frying pan and Pianos.


	4. brotherly betrayal

A/N: I'm sorry people that its taken me sooooo long to update- I was in silent protest about episode 14 of season 3 (episode 92 overall) taking sooooooooooo long to be updated – unfairness- insert image of crying Gunter here

A/N: I'm sorry people that its taken me sooooo long to update- I was in silent protest about episode 14 of season 3 (episode 92 overall) taking sooooooooooo long to be updated – unfairness- insert image of crying Gunter here. Anyway here's my next fic- hope you like it.

**A brotherly betrayal- with Dorcas thrown in!**

A new day had dawned in Shin- Mazoku and all seemed back to normal. Gwendal was stuck in the conference room signing mountains of paperwork whilst cursing the Maou under his breath, comforted every now and then by a hairdresser Bearbee ( it wore pink lycra with a black chocker with studded gems stating- ' who's a naughty boy then) who could only say one phase which he repeated often- 'I know what you mean sister'.

Down near the docks Cheri-sama was spinning around in utter bliss- the local sailor and army conference was being held. No one had explained to Cheri why she had- as of yet- been unable to date someone going to this conference or why many such men were pleading cases of sexual harassment to be sent to court- rumour had it that Cheri had a BDSM thing going on down in the bottom of her boat. It sent shivers down the navy- and in the closet army men's backs.

However, no matter how interesting the case of the odd screams coming from Cheri's boat may have been to the Mazoku secret police- a group of men who shared a similar resemblance to a certain French inspector (pink panther guy)- this fascinating case has very little to do with our favourite blonde Mazoku's jealously. For a few moments earlier- within the seemingly endless castle Wolfram had stumbled across something which was sure to make him have yet another restless night.

The young eighty three year old Mazoku had crossed something he never thought possible. The question of how Dorcas had got the horses up to the third floor of the castle was far from his mind. No it was the question of whether what Dorcas was currently doing to the poor horse was actually possible. So distraught was Wolfram that he ran out of the room with the wish to die- purely so that what he had just seen would never have to cross his mind again.

Fortunately for Wolfram and perhaps a little unfortunately for Yuuri, Conrad and Gwendal wolfram crashed head on with one of the maids who at the time was carrying a rather large and priceless vase from the Ladle von Kristi period of 568 AD (very, very old) this particular vase was created on the battlegrounds of Mur and is said to have been created from the ashes of the dead that day so that none would forget- it also marked the only period in which Great Shimaron and Shin Mazoku had ever had a treaty of peace (so the vase is utterly priceless). The collision of fiery blonde and exquisite historical artefact sent this priceless vase crashing to the ground where it promptly shattered, it also sent Wolfram reeling back to the ground- collision and fall causing the blonde to blackout where he entered his own little world.

Sadly for Wolfram this world revolved around Yuuri. But not in the way most couples would think of another. No Wolfram's dream world revolved around the various other people he had to contend with in order to win Yuuri's heart. And of course what Yuuri might be doing with said other people. Due to this Wolfram's sweet little jealous mind when into overdrive. The innocent little game of catch between Yuuri and Conrad was viewed with new eyes left him with the following dream.

_Dream _

The last chime from the castle bell rang throughout the moon lit night and made its way through the various rooms of the castle until it fell upon the ears of the Maou and two of his advisors. The Generals commonly known as Conrad and Gwendal were at that moment in time rolling around on the floor naked with a certain Maou, a knitted Bearbee and for some reason a very disturbed sword that was in the sidelines.

Unknown to the frolicking trio the youngest of the brother's was currently hiding in the wardrobe crying at the ultimate betrayal by his brothers. When he could take it no more he threw himself out of the cupboard and seizing the sword went to hack all three apart. Before he could complete his goal Wolfram was torn from his revenge by a stinging pain in his check.

_End of Dream_

When Wolfram opened his eyes he saw the trio who had (he still thinks his dream was real) betrayed him and with a roar of rage he crashed the trio all around the castle.

Though neither Gwendal nor Conrad would admit it their blonde brother could in insight fear into the hearts of the bravest of men this combined with balls of flame sourcing their feet accompanied by the phrases 'Wimp', 'Adulterous leech!' and 'DIE!!' sent the trio running round the castle for the rest of the day, a blazing blonde hot on their heels (even in the literal sense).

Now I was really disappointed when none of you got the double meaning of my green-eyed monster in the last chappie- figure it out and I'll dedicate the next chapter to the person who does otherwise I won't write until the next episode comes out in a months time (I'm talking about it being subbed) or I get some reviews- don't wanna hold you to ransom like this but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do so please work it out or review-I'll give you an extra special chappie if you do.


	5. Garlic

A/N: thanks for all those reviews

A/N: thanks for all those reviews. This chappie is dedicated to- **Wolfyuu, mausoleum maiden, stucco**who all got my pun pretty much right and a special thank you to **LostForWords07** whose ideas were really interesting. The pun- for those who didn'y get it was that the green eyed monster- otherwise known as jealousy is Wolfram as not only is he a very jealous character but he is also a Mazoku- therefore a monster of sorts and he has green eyes so he is a green eyed monster through both meanings of the phase. Anyway on with the story.

Gunter's heaven, Wolfram's hell

Wolfram was irritated. Not only did he have to go out into the hot sweltering heat of the desert to act as the King Wimp's advisor/fiancé/morality checker (Wolfram's own special title for himself when he had to scream at Yuuri about just how bad a king he was and that while some king's may deem it necessary to visit other leaders of state that did not mean in any way that Yuuri should be near anyone Wolfram hadn't first accessed) this therefore meant that Wolfram couldn't stay behind whilst his Wimp went on his entirely unnecessary tours of the neighbouring countries.

As it happened they had gone out into the wilderness of Shin Mazoku under the guidance of Gunter who was constantly attended by his daughter due to the every minute nosebleeds that occurred due to his joy in finally accompanying his majesty on an adventure. The country's affaires had been left to the hands of Dorcas and Cheri. This announcement was met by peculiar cries of anguish by horses, soldiers and sailors.

At the head of the procession Gunter was describing to Yuuri all about the trip he had made up into the wilderness on his trip a few months before. When he got to the part where people had worn different clothing there Yuuri instantly demanded that all of the procession should change into a kind of cosplay which he believed would further the relations with those of the outskirts of the country.

This however left Wolfram very confused. Where was this Rome Yuuri talked of and what did the Romans have to do with anything? However he reluctantly took the outfit given to him and checked that it fitted his thighs perfectly. He would show Yuuri who could be the best cowgirl in the East (Wolfram's failure to understand human customs). And so into the sunrise they rode.

It took them another day before they reached the little village Gunter had stayed it and as he proudly showed Yuuri the sign of JUSTICE he'd made in the sand wolfram thinking he could do better made a similar sign but with fire. Unfortunately for poor Wolfram it seemed that he had as much talent with fire calligraphy as he did with painting. By the end of it no-one was really sure what he'd actually written although the Bumble-Loop-Hops, who were taking an early vacation this year, instantly fell in love with it and formed some sort of ancient ritual paying worship to the squiggles in the land.

Yuuri, it seemed, was absolutely transfixed on the odd ritual and because he was watching a very old Bumble-Loop-Hop who had been talking so the others on a raised dais in squiggles failed to notice Conrad with his arms laden down with bedding knock into him thus causing him to fall onto Gunter and accidentally kiss him as he fell on top of Gunter.

When Wolfram saw this his vision went red with rage. It was alright if what he saw Yuuri doing was in his dreams- but only marginally so. To see him actually kissing another, kissing Gunter who by all rights and purposes should have died for blood loss due to the number of nosebleeds he'd had that day- well to put it lightly Wolfram was furious.

He wielded his swords and with a roar of rage and maniacal laughter he took off after a skipping Gunter.

Doing so meant that he didn't see Yuuri retching at the sidelines- Gunter had eaten Garlic for breakfast that day.

Sorry it's taken me so long to update I spent a week doing Latin with my grandparents- my head is still hurting. Anyway thanks for all the reviews, I'll try to update soon but with Breaking Dawn coming out soon (squeal) I might take a while. Tell me what you think of the chapter and if you can think of anything that might be a good drabble tell me and I'll write it up to hopefully your standards.


End file.
